Serve People
1.10.2009
Shortest Joke In Human History Elected
Shortest joke got elected in China, it's about the officials working in Chinese government. Written as follow:
12.27.2008
Middle School In China Declares War On Western World
Danger: The WAR is about to come!
It's considered as an official war declaration by the school against all western countries who disagree with Chinese government.
This is the declaration video released on the internet.
It's written in modern poetry, translated as below:
2009, Go China!
Lead: Snowstorm, freely falling down to earth, like western values
Lead: Despair fills the sky, ice covers the earth
Lead: Did China retreat?
All: No. The Olympics were a success! We are victorious!
Lead: Hot blood and iron will of Chinese people, lighten up the dark world like burning the holy flame
All: The rivers and mountains, ever more colorful and beautiful
Lead: Earthquakes, shifting back and forth like the positions of Sarkozy, with his dirty tricks, trying to shake the great China
Lead: Did China retreat?
All: No. The Shenzhou-7 launched. We are victorious!
Lead: Pathetic Europe will never stop the insurmountable force of our great dynasty
All: Just the aftershocks from the earthquake would destroy France!
Lead: The happy flowers flourish in the oil fields on Tarim Basin
Lead: The suona [musical instrument] sings aloud in the Tawang district of the Himalayas
Lead: Historically accumulated resentment fill the Ryukyu Trench
All: Smiles in Sun Moon Lake became a miraculous flower in the Pacific Ocean
Lead: Do not waver, do not slow down, do not make big changes
Lead: Do not change the flag, Do not turn back
All: Step ruthlessly over all anti-China forces
Lead: The giant ship full of patches, raise up the brand new sail
All: Spirits are high, crash through the waves, the wind is at our back
Lead: 2009
All: Go China
Lead: 2009
All: China the Greatest
Leaders of western countries have yet to respond. This could be the most serious diplomacy crisis since the foundation of People's Republic of China.
12.25.2008
The Onion: Citing Poor Conditions, China Refuses To Send Delegation To Olympics
Citing Poor Conditions, China Refuses To Send Delegation To Olympics
BEIJING—In an 11th-hour move that shocked the international athletic and political communities alike, the Chinese Olympic Team announced Wednesday that it will not be attending the XXIX Olympiad in Beijing due to "shocking, shameful, and ultimately dangerous environmental conditions" in the host city.
"Given the unconscionably bad environmental state of the area in and around the site of the 2008 Summer Games, we cannot in good conscience allow Chinese athletes to compete in China," said Olympic committee spokesman Sun Weide. "We deeply apologize to China for the bitter disappointment they will feel at not being represented in these Games. However, we place the blame squarely on China for their failure to prepare a suitable venue for international competition."
"Frankly, it seems to me that in terms of air quality, water purity, and general contamination, Beijing is barely even capable of supporting human life, let alone strenuous activities such as team sports, swimming, and long-distance running," added Weide, who has lived in Beijing all his life. "We can only hope our refusal to compete in this city will result in real change for its long-suffering residents."
Weide's sentiments were echoed by other high-ranking members of China's Olympic athletic community.
"China's Olympic athletic community should be deeply ashamed of itself," said Zhang Tianbai, deputy director of the PRC's Athletic Sciences and Education Department and director of China's Olympic Committee. "When factories have to be shut down for a month beforehand just to clear the air, when automobile traffic is artificially thinned to reduce smog, when thousands of uniformed men have to dredge the river mere days before the regatta, in a city that is supposed to be the pride of a nation and the athletic center of the world for two weeks—disgusting is not too strong a word."
Director Tianbai joined Li Furong, vice president of the Chinese Olympic Committee, in calling for the immediate resignation and possible indictment of the entire Chinese Olympic Committee.
The 639 athletes chosen to represent China were informed Wednesday night that they would not in fact be competing in Beijing. Although all were shocked at the suddenness of the decision, most took the news stoically.
"I was very much looking forward to making China proud," said 100-meter hurdling champion Liu Zhang, who had expected to defend his gold medal in Beijing. "But, if I am honest, China should be ashamed of itself."
"I shall regret this for the rest of my life, but I think the current conditions Beijing are currently worse than the ones I encounter in my polluted, petroleum-fume-choked home town," said Rockets center Yao Ming, easily the team's most prominent athlete. "Which is Beijing. Things have gotten even worse since I moved."
"It brings me great sorrow to say this, as I had hoped that Chinese athletes would return from Beijing triumphant, having demonstrated our nation's greatness on a global stage," Hu Jintao, president and paramount leader of the People's Republic of China. "However, China's blatant disregard for its responsibility to the basic health, welfare, and safety of its Olympic participants has forced us to withdraw China's athletes for their own protection, and I urge the Olympic teams of all other nations to do the same."
China's Olympic team will spend one last night in their Olympic quarters before returning Friday to Beijing, where they will resume training for next year's Pan-American Games.
"Given the unconscionably bad environmental state of the area in and around the site of the 2008 Summer Games, we cannot in good conscience allow Chinese athletes to compete in China," said Olympic committee spokesman Sun Weide. "We deeply apologize to China for the bitter disappointment they will feel at not being represented in these Games. However, we place the blame squarely on China for their failure to prepare a suitable venue for international competition."
"Frankly, it seems to me that in terms of air quality, water purity, and general contamination, Beijing is barely even capable of supporting human life, let alone strenuous activities such as team sports, swimming, and long-distance running," added Weide, who has lived in Beijing all his life. "We can only hope our refusal to compete in this city will result in real change for its long-suffering residents."
Weide's sentiments were echoed by other high-ranking members of China's Olympic athletic community.
"China's Olympic athletic community should be deeply ashamed of itself," said Zhang Tianbai, deputy director of the PRC's Athletic Sciences and Education Department and director of China's Olympic Committee. "When factories have to be shut down for a month beforehand just to clear the air, when automobile traffic is artificially thinned to reduce smog, when thousands of uniformed men have to dredge the river mere days before the regatta, in a city that is supposed to be the pride of a nation and the athletic center of the world for two weeks—disgusting is not too strong a word."
Director Tianbai joined Li Furong, vice president of the Chinese Olympic Committee, in calling for the immediate resignation and possible indictment of the entire Chinese Olympic Committee.
The 639 athletes chosen to represent China were informed Wednesday night that they would not in fact be competing in Beijing. Although all were shocked at the suddenness of the decision, most took the news stoically.
"I was very much looking forward to making China proud," said 100-meter hurdling champion Liu Zhang, who had expected to defend his gold medal in Beijing. "But, if I am honest, China should be ashamed of itself."
"I shall regret this for the rest of my life, but I think the current conditions Beijing are currently worse than the ones I encounter in my polluted, petroleum-fume-choked home town," said Rockets center Yao Ming, easily the team's most prominent athlete. "Which is Beijing. Things have gotten even worse since I moved."
"It brings me great sorrow to say this, as I had hoped that Chinese athletes would return from Beijing triumphant, having demonstrated our nation's greatness on a global stage," Hu Jintao, president and paramount leader of the People's Republic of China. "However, China's blatant disregard for its responsibility to the basic health, welfare, and safety of its Olympic participants has forced us to withdraw China's athletes for their own protection, and I urge the Olympic teams of all other nations to do the same."
China's Olympic team will spend one last night in their Olympic quarters before returning Friday to Beijing, where they will resume training for next year's Pan-American Games.
12.06.2008
Still Watching Bond Movie? We Are Being 007 In Campus!
Still dreaming about being as cool as 007? Students in some Chinese universities have already realized their spy dreams of wiping out evil persons from behind and, in secret.
A professor in Eastern China Politics And Law University is under investigation from the local public security bureau for his counterrevolutionary speech in class. The professor's filthy behavior of saying bad words about Chinese government and teaching students to think as independent people was finally exposed to the public thanks to the bold effort of two female Bond-like undergraduate students. This is not the first time evil professors get caught in China, but is the first case in which students' effort is publicly involved.
↓University students guarding their
beloved government, China.
"It's unendurable to insult the greatness and rightness of our government" says one of the heroine, "If our beloved government claims itself to be 'great, glorious and always right', then it IS!" When asked about her attitude toward the critics from China's 210 million netizens and other thinking people, the girl affirmed confidently:"It's just a very small group of people being jealous of our great socialism system and conspiring to beat us down. We won't fall for their evil words."
Inspired by the two "female Bonds'" victory over the counterrevolutionary force, universities around the country have been busy establishing new systems to promote spy actions to guard the virginity of socialism. Recruitment for "Information Agent" is being held in all campuses. "Information Agent" is responsible for watching on lecturers in universities and if any counterrevolutionary words came out, agents would report to universities' "Truth Department" (a special governmental department that decides what's true and what's not) and further steps will be taken. In reward, student agents will get privilege in all aspects including test scores, promotion in student union and entering higher school.
What's more? You don't even have to be an agent to act like an agent. All students are encouraged to disclose counterrevolutionary words or behaviors from any people, especially the ones they're familiar with.
The "Everybody is 007" system is enthusiastically welcome by students who are members of the country's communist party. "The country's long and exciting history of 'betray for benefit' has finally revived! I've been waiting so long!" a student party member shed his tears, "I spiritually castrated myself to be a party member for privilege, but the rewarding was not as good as I expected. Now I can get more privilege by my own hard work on selling out people around me. This is the fair system I've been expecting! The harder you work, the more you get!"
It looks like even Mr. Bond will turn unbelievably vulnerable in front of the country's determination. "This is a sky net covering everybody" said a president of a university, "The system we've built even compares to what we had in the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution. We feel relieved now because the 'greatness, glory and rightness' our government claim is secured."
A professor in Eastern China Politics And Law University is under investigation from the local public security bureau for his counterrevolutionary speech in class. The professor's filthy behavior of saying bad words about Chinese government and teaching students to think as independent people was finally exposed to the public thanks to the bold effort of two female Bond-like undergraduate students. This is not the first time evil professors get caught in China, but is the first case in which students' effort is publicly involved.
↓University students guarding their
beloved government, China.
"It's unendurable to insult the greatness and rightness of our government" says one of the heroine, "If our beloved government claims itself to be 'great, glorious and always right', then it IS!" When asked about her attitude toward the critics from China's 210 million netizens and other thinking people, the girl affirmed confidently:"It's just a very small group of people being jealous of our great socialism system and conspiring to beat us down. We won't fall for their evil words."Inspired by the two "female Bonds'" victory over the counterrevolutionary force, universities around the country have been busy establishing new systems to promote spy actions to guard the virginity of socialism. Recruitment for "Information Agent" is being held in all campuses. "Information Agent" is responsible for watching on lecturers in universities and if any counterrevolutionary words came out, agents would report to universities' "Truth Department" (a special governmental department that decides what's true and what's not) and further steps will be taken. In reward, student agents will get privilege in all aspects including test scores, promotion in student union and entering higher school.
↓The Recently Recruited "Information Agents", China
(picture is photoshopped to keep the agents' identities secret)
(picture is photoshopped to keep the agents' identities secret)
What's more? You don't even have to be an agent to act like an agent. All students are encouraged to disclose counterrevolutionary words or behaviors from any people, especially the ones they're familiar with.The "Everybody is 007" system is enthusiastically welcome by students who are members of the country's communist party. "The country's long and exciting history of 'betray for benefit' has finally revived! I've been waiting so long!" a student party member shed his tears, "I spiritually castrated myself to be a party member for privilege, but the rewarding was not as good as I expected. Now I can get more privilege by my own hard work on selling out people around me. This is the fair system I've been expecting! The harder you work, the more you get!"
It looks like even Mr. Bond will turn unbelievably vulnerable in front of the country's determination. "This is a sky net covering everybody" said a president of a university, "The system we've built even compares to what we had in the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution. We feel relieved now because the 'greatness, glory and rightness' our government claim is secured."
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